I know it may feel as though your life has been turned upside down for the last 39 days. It may feel as though the cold hand of reality has slapped you in the face. And maybe it feels as if the cold hand of reality then punched you in the gut and maybe just as you were bending over the cold hard elbow of reality slammed into the lumbar region of your spine. And maybe... just maybe, it even feels like the cold hard hands of reality pierced your ear with a barbed fish hook and threw you into a tank full of crocodiles. But now... feel these. They are the warm and welcoming hands of the Floater Blog pulling you from the mouths of the reptilian beasts by the fish hook in your ear to say... we're back... and we love you.
In fact, we love you so much that we took time off to make your lives better. That painful barren wasteland of a month without the Floater Blog will soon seem worth the sacrifice once you purchase one of our many producst from our brand new MERCHANDIZING LINE!!!! That's right we have spent the last month developing a whole line of products with the sole aim of making your life easier... starting with... THE FLOATER BLOG BOTTLE OPENER!!!!
The Floater Blog Bottle Opener* in Action This new bottle opener is nothing if not practical. Small and compact the Floater Blog Bottle Opener* can easily fit into any large storage closet or basement. The Floater Blog Bottle Opener* might look complicated with all of it's mechanical parts and that's why it's so expensive!!! But the amazing thing about the Floater Blog Bottle Opener* is that it opens bottle's all by itself!!! That's right you simply say the command word and it will retrieve a bottle from the desired location and bring it back to you open, cold and ready to drink!!!
And as a promise to you the Floater Blog will not use any cheap tactics to sell any of our products. We feel the product is strong enough to sell itself!! So buy one today and see for youself!!!
And as a promise to you the Floater Blog will not use any cheap tactics to sell any of our products. We feel the product is strong enough to sell itself!! So buy one today and see for youself!!!
- The Blogastair, finally reporting live from the Floater Blog's new headquarters, 3/4 of a kilometer into international waters off the coast of Brazil.
*Note: You must supply and train your own child or petite circus performer to operate the moving parts. Some assembly is not required as all of the assembly is.
