The Olympics in Torino

As many of you should know, the XXVBSITQ Olympic Games officially open on Friday February 9th. These games represent the pinnacle of success for those athletes that nobody cares about for 3 years and 340 days. But for two short weeks in the snow covered hills of Turino Italy, the best of the world's figure skaters, ski jumpers, biatholoners and of course skelotoners will all be in the same place at the same time. A protein supplement's company's wet dream.

It's at this time in the Olympic process that we all take a deep look inside ourselves and ask "If I were forced to compete in one event at the Olympics, which event would cause me the most bodily harm?"

Good question. Let's discuss.

1. Ski Jumping. The popular choice. Many people are not avid skiers and thus, would probably not even make it down the 38 degree ramp. Well they would make it down the ramp but not on skis. The best case scenario: You fall about 4 or 5 meters down the ramp, break your hand while breaking your fall on the ramp, your useless hand twitches uselessly as you fall over the side, head first into one of the many support beams breaking your neck. Your legs shatter on impact with the icy mountainside and you slide down the mountain under the ramp, bouncing off the ramp supports like so many puppies in a wind tunnel. The look on your face as your reading this now should tell you why so many people pick Ski Jumping as their number one choice.

2. Freestyle Skiing (Aerials). Similar to Ski Jumping but with this one there is an out. Again, assuming you're not much of a skier. It is again likely that you might not make it standing to the aerial jump. In which case the Best Case scenario involves a plethora of broken ribs and a severe concussion as you slam into the wall of snow erected to help you take flight. If you are an avid skier (as I am) this one becomes a bit more dangerous. Unlike Ski Jumping where the emphasis is on horizontal flight, the emphasis is on height here. So while I rest assured that I could manage to propel myself quite well off the aerial jump, my experience landing jumps from forty feet in the air is minimal at best. Best Case Scenario: Entire body shatters on impact with the ground, helmet saves you from death. No ramp supports to slow down your descent means a less severe, albeit not less painful, injury.

3. Skeleton. Head first, icy half tunnel, speeds in excess of 130 kilometers an hour... need I say more? Well, yes. First off, we would be forced to compete but that doesn't mean we would compete well. I doubt any of us would get near the 130 kilometer speed mark. However going even 60 k is enough to scrape the skin off my face (thank goodness for that face shield). There is some debate as to whether or not falling off the sled (which would most likely be inevitable) would cause serious injury. There would be pain, oh yes, there would be pain, but how much? The key question is whether or not the impact would involve rolling or not. Comments are welcome.

4. Ice Hockey. My personal favorite. Here's why. So you're forced to play on a team even thought you can't play hockey (Let's say Team Canada). The team has to play you, unless you couldn't play. Here's my thinking is your team knows you can't play and would, thus, rather you couldn't play. I'm thinking an open ice pass right up the middle to slow skatin little ol' you. Now the other team, (really doesn't matter who you are playing against at that level) sees an open ice hit, their going to take it. I am quite confident that if I took and open ice hit a lo Chris Chelios or heck even Daniel Sedin, it would mean close to certain death for me.

Well that's it, there are more sports, comments are welcome... this is a debate that will be brought up every 2 years when the Olympics come so might as well get your say in, you're gonna say it anyways.

The Bloggog.