For the first time ever the entire Floater Blog staff (all 53 investigative reporters) will be flying en masse to New York in order to personally witness reports of a wandering Giantess. Sadly, it means the Floater Blog will not be updated until their return on June 1st. (And The Floater Blog politely asks its readers to withhold from conducting a 7 day hunger vigil complete with self-mortification like last time).
The Giantess apparently wandered lost and confused into the city sometime around the beginning of May. Scientists are dubbing the creature "Lindsay Forbes" and have actually created an entirely new classification of mammal for Forbes called the Garga-giant.
"We get all types here in New York. You got a problem with that? So she's a Garga-giant? What's your $$$$ing point? I see $$$$ing midgets, $$$$ing bearded ladies, $$$$ing arm for a nose men and $$$$ing half-man half-horse people on my way to work everyday! And you come in here asking me about some Garga$$$$ingGiant? $$$$, you pricks piss me off you know that?"
- Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York
Despite the government's official statement of 'un-interest' in the matter, civilians have flocked to information about the Garga-giant. Many New Yorkers have taken pains to photograph the beast while running away from it in a panic. Here are some of those shots now:
The Giantess apparently wandered lost and confused into the city sometime around the beginning of May. Scientists are dubbing the creature "Lindsay Forbes" and have actually created an entirely new classification of mammal for Forbes called the Garga-giant.
"We get all types here in New York. You got a problem with that? So she's a Garga-giant? What's your $$$$ing point? I see $$$$ing midgets, $$$$ing bearded ladies, $$$$ing arm for a nose men and $$$$ing half-man half-horse people on my way to work everyday! And you come in here asking me about some Garga$$$$ingGiant? $$$$, you pricks piss me off you know that?"
- Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York
Despite the government's official statement of 'un-interest' in the matter, civilians have flocked to information about the Garga-giant. Many New Yorkers have taken pains to photograph the beast while running away from it in a panic. Here are some of those shots now:
Gargantuan Forbes perusing the NY Library
Lindsay the Giantess causing panic and confusion in Times Square
Gynormous Forbes wading drunkenly across the Hudson River
Garga-giant Lindsay with her Garga-giant mate
Lindsay the Giantess causing panic and confusion in Times Square
Gynormous Forbes wading drunkenly across the Hudson River
Imagine New Yorker's surprise when one-day a male Garga-Giant happened to appear alongside the beast.
"The Lindsay Forbes beast must have been giving off that strange musky scent in order to attract a mate. Of course she inadvertantly bathed the entire city in a milky haze. Simply remarkable."
Rune Feldenbergstien, Top Mammalian Research Scientist, NASA
"The Lindsay Forbes beast must have been giving off that strange musky scent in order to attract a mate. Of course she inadvertantly bathed the entire city in a milky haze. Simply remarkable."
Rune Feldenbergstien, Top Mammalian Research Scientist, NASA
Garga-giant Lindsay with her Garga-giant mate
What does this mean for New York? The Floater Blog intends to find out however, a more telling question might be: What does this mean for mankind as a whole?
- The Bloogerini, reporting live on location, 7 blocks away from the Chrysler building, New York, New York
- The Bloogerini, reporting live on location, 7 blocks away from the Chrysler building, New York, New York
13 comments:
yup...sounds about right. don't have to tell me twice, i'm steering clear of the eastern states...
That's a smart move anonymous. Word has it this hazy, milky, musky, scent of hers has wafted up the Niagra corridor and is affecting the eastern half of the continent.
On a side note, scientists think they found evidence of the Garga-Giant Lindsay along the kokahala highway in B.C. Turns out they discovered some fossilized poo there and dna suggests it belongs to Lindsay.
I'm only going to say one thing: there will be no keys waiting for you at the desk, my friend.
this is the same person that was planning to steer clear of the eastern states writing, and i find your last comment interesting, alastair. there's been this faint but very distinct odor roaming around the lower mainland in bc recently. i've inquired into this mysterious phenomenon and was told, by a very reliable source, that this odor is in fact the remnants of a poo incident that occurred in 1982 somewhere near kelowna, bc. apparently the smell is slowly creeping its way westward and is planning to arrive in china by 2015. the most amazing part of this is there is strong evidence that the "incident" was caused by the explosive bum of a 2 year old boy with a hair syndrome. names were not disclosed. just thought i'd update you on the situation.
After spending 8 and a half years in NYC - my senses have dulled, I've acquired allergies, I have endless days and sleepless nights. And now you're telling me this...I gotta get outta here!!!
Stephania I'd tend to agree with you. Getting out of there might be good... because of the Giantess.
Well 'anonymous' I don't know who you are but my experience tells me that you're the kind of infantile person who doesn't make a joke unless it includes the words 'poo' 'bum' and 'explosive.' Verrrrry funny.
Uh...I don't know much about murky pooplots, assorted innuendos and highways with wacky names (see, in Ontario we use numbers...nice, orderly numbers), but the thing that really worries me is that her size seems really inconsistent. Someone who fits in the Library cannot possibly be as tall as a skyscraper. So what's more disturbing here...that NY has a giant on the loose...or that she appears to be growing? Holy Alice in Wonderland, Batman!
Graeme has some interesting points noting the inconsistencies in your Giantess piece. Humour is one thing but inaccuracies are just plain unprofessional from a blogger. Anonymous sounds slightly jealous and a little bit immature relating unsubstantiated stories. Theconcept of 'poo' should long by gones from your vocabulary and that of anonymous. Let's have some serious polical commentary.
Anonymous 2
Hear Hear Anonymous 2, on the part about removing poo from anonymous 1's vocabulary.
Poo Poo Anonymous 2 about calling my integrity into question. I think you missed Graeme's point... she appears to be GROWING! To somehow suggest that these photos are in some way 'manipulated' cuts my very moral fibre. In fact I had written my letter of resignation in protest when 3000 of my closest fans convinced me to keep writing. So poo poo on you anonymous 2!
This is slightly disturbing. My name is Alison Forbes... and my sister is Lindsay Forbes... and my dad is Alistair Forbes (yes, spelt the other way). Being a bit of a blogging newbie, I googled my sister's name to see if I could find her page and I stumbled across yours. I have no idea what you guys are banging on about but what a coincidence! Greetings from Bristol, England.
Oh I recall this incident all too well... lol Anonymous said...
i find your last comment interesting, Alastair. there's been this faint but very distinct odor roaming around the lower mainland in BC recently. I've inquired into this mysterious phenomenon and was told, by a very reliable source, that this odor is in fact the remnants of a poo incident that occurred in 1982 somewhere near Kelowna, BC. apparently the smell is slowly creeping its way westward and is planning to arrive in china by 2015. the most amazing part of this is there is strong evidence that the "incident" was caused by the explosive bum of a 2 year old boy with a hair syndrome. names were not disclosed. just thought I'd update you on the situation.
Signed your former nanny :)
buy bactrim es online without prescription buy bactrim buy bactrim online buy bactrim without a prescription overnight buy bactrim without prescription buy bactrim f
[url=http://bactrim.eventbrite.com/]buy bactrim [/url]
glucophage fort insulin resistance glucophage glucophage side effect glucophage and vitamin b12 diabetes glucophage glucophage insulin resistance glucophage
[url=http://takeglucophage.eventbrite.com/]not absorbing glucophag [/url]
muscle atrophy proscar side effects teva proscar proscar and flomax taken together taking proscar no seman generic proscar painful erection proscar proscar for hairloss
[url=http://proscar.eventbrite.com/]proscar price [/url]
male impotency buy levitra online impotence advice levitra commercial free levitra trial impotence solutions free levitra
[url=http://virb.com/yalevi]levitra cialis [/url]
http://bactrim.eventbrite.com/
Ismael ftw..
Elliot
http://flurry-insurance.info
Post a Comment