President Bush announced today, in conjunction with NASA, plans for a Presidential Memorial in the Sun.
"This is a proud day for me, a proud day and a ... prouder day... for my... for me. I'm proud of all the boys at NASA... and girls. Heh, I like the girls too. For putten me to the sun proudly."
- George W. Bush, POTUS
The President, speaking at a Grade 2 level, meant to say that he was proud that the American nation would be memorializing him in the Sun. In order to avoid a further 40 minutes of general confusion and disorientation at the Press Conference a spokesperson for NASA, instead of the President, was asked to explain how this plan would be carried out.
"Using a new X30 rocket we will be propelling 30 nuclear warheads to the Sun. Upon impact with the Sun's inner core the warheads will detonate and, much like expensive fireworks, explode into the likeness of the President. Our hope is the image will burn into the Sun's outer core."
- Rev. Ian Morrol, Presidential Spiritual Advisor to NASA
"This is a proud day for me, a proud day and a ... prouder day... for my... for me. I'm proud of all the boys at NASA... and girls. Heh, I like the girls too. For putten me to the sun proudly."
- George W. Bush, POTUS
The President, speaking at a Grade 2 level, meant to say that he was proud that the American nation would be memorializing him in the Sun. In order to avoid a further 40 minutes of general confusion and disorientation at the Press Conference a spokesperson for NASA, instead of the President, was asked to explain how this plan would be carried out.
"Using a new X30 rocket we will be propelling 30 nuclear warheads to the Sun. Upon impact with the Sun's inner core the warheads will detonate and, much like expensive fireworks, explode into the likeness of the President. Our hope is the image will burn into the Sun's outer core."
- Rev. Ian Morrol, Presidential Spiritual Advisor to NASA
Artist's rendering of the proposed Presidential Tribute.
When asked about the risks of detonating 30 nuclear warheads in a giant ball of gas Morrol went on to say:
"If we do the right thing by God, God will do the right thing by us therefore, the risk becomes negligible."
- Rev. Ian Morrol, Presidential Spiritual Advisor to NASA
With all concerns eased by the good Reverend's soothing words the next question was a bit of a puzzler. Why the Sun? In a another twisting lair of confusion and blubbery, The POTUS answered:
"The Sun? Well, heh, why not? I mean Lincoln, Washington and ... you know ... a couple other guys got a mountain... why not the Sun? The Sun belongs to America right? So why shouldn't my face be putten up in the Sun? Besides it'll help with re-eclection."
- George W. Bush, POTUS
After confirming with Presidential aides that he meant re-election reporters asked how he planned to circumvent the constitutional rule which bars a President for running more than two terms. The President simply smiled and winked, which, while creepy, was probably clearer than any answer he could have given.
The Bloggerbotterastair, reporting live on location, White House Press Room, Washington, D.C.
"If we do the right thing by God, God will do the right thing by us therefore, the risk becomes negligible."
- Rev. Ian Morrol, Presidential Spiritual Advisor to NASA
With all concerns eased by the good Reverend's soothing words the next question was a bit of a puzzler. Why the Sun? In a another twisting lair of confusion and blubbery, The POTUS answered:
"The Sun? Well, heh, why not? I mean Lincoln, Washington and ... you know ... a couple other guys got a mountain... why not the Sun? The Sun belongs to America right? So why shouldn't my face be putten up in the Sun? Besides it'll help with re-eclection."
- George W. Bush, POTUS
After confirming with Presidential aides that he meant re-election reporters asked how he planned to circumvent the constitutional rule which bars a President for running more than two terms. The President simply smiled and winked, which, while creepy, was probably clearer than any answer he could have given.
The Bloggerbotterastair, reporting live on location, White House Press Room, Washington, D.C.
6 comments:
I feel rather frightened that there could be a day where the GW puss will be staring down at me as I enjoy a leisurely day at the beach! Perhaps we can send him to the Sun directly to check out the lay of the land, get a good gander at his memorial grounds up close and personal??? Just a thought....
PS and if that QUACK jackass posts again to your blog we'll have to appoint him as GW's personal pilot to the Sun. I friggin hate those ad bastards!!
This report seems highly inaccurate- the president is MAYBE able to speak at a Junior Kindergarten level. He is at a Senior Kindergarten level when it comes to shapes (not colours yet).
This is the funniest blog I have ever read. It's a laugh-out-loud read...keep 'em coming. Have you considered stand-up? Your talent should be shared. How do you think up these wild things? Please answer - your fans want to know!
mfv
Stephania! You really think that day isn't already here? He's staring at everyone in America all the time! Oh how my dreams would come true to see Bush and Quack man together at last on the surface of that flaming ball of gas.
And recess buddy you are right. He is at a Senior Kindergarten level for shapes. That's why his speech entitled "Shapes I know" was quite elucidating in fact.
Thanks MFV for the compliment! I don't do stand up but you can come and see me do improv at the Bad Dog Theatre in Toronto!
Well the secret to my success with thinking up wild things is that I was never in fact domesticated. So while I may throw feces from time to time, I have the distinct advantage of thinking 'outside' the box.
How do you get such information? Very interesting!
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