Canadians are the most polite people to torture: US Study says.

A new study just published in 'Scientific American' finds that of over 93 nationalities tested, Canadians were the most polite to torture. The tests were conducted by anonymous U.S. researchers working at an anonymous prison in an anonymous Eastern European country.

All nationalities were tested in three categories with 20 members from each country. The three categories were:

1. What language the Torturee used while being electrocuted.
2. How many teeth would the Torturee have left when they finally told the Torturer what they wanted to hear.
3. Given the opportunity would the Torturee attempt to escape.

"Canadians came out on top in each category, far outperforming other nationalities. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to torture a Canadian again in the future."
- Anonymous, Marketing Director of Anonymous in Anonymous.

Two tortured Canadians, still smiling for the camera.

The results were spectacular with 19 of 20 Canadians refraining from using any negative words and most still saying their please and thank you's before, during and after their electrocution session. The 20th said the word 'darn' but immediately apologized and asked if he could electrocute himself to make up for it. The Scottish were the most likely to use bad words often starting the session with "Who the **** are you? What the **** am I doing here?" and "I'm a ****ing piece of Haggis!"

A full 20 of 20 Canadians offered all truthful information before any teeth pulling occurred however 17 of the 20 asked to have at least 3 or 4 teeth pulled anyways saying 'well you've gone to all this trouble, you might as well take some out.' On the opposite end of the spectrum a full 20 of 20 Djiboutians had all of their teeth pulled as all 20 claimed they couldn't speak English.

Once again full marks for Canadians in the last category where none of the Canadians decided to try to leave through their unlocked cell door with a strong 16 of 20 actually closing the door, including one Canadian who asked for a guard to let them know for next time that they'd forgotten to lock them in.

Other intriguing finds were:

• Germans were the most likely to make cold and precise statements such as "You are freezing me to within a 476th of an inch of my life!"
• Canadians were most likely to apologize after they were hurt, most saying "Oops, sorry about that."
• The British were the most likely to enjoy having their teeth pulled, with a 72% success rate in improving their smile.
• The Swedish were most likely to speak in a 'funny sounding language' while being electrocuted.

This study is a great boon to the Bush Presidency as recently America has come under attack for falling behind in Science:

"This study proves... America has and are having to be... the bestest finders of... stuff that knows."
- George W. Bush, President of the United States

- The Blogastair reporting live on location, Anonymous prison, Anonymous, Anonymous.