The verdict is finally in: dogs actually are smarter than cats. A new study conducted by The Center for the Integrative Study of Animal Behavior revealed today that in basic cognitive functions most species of dogs far outperformed their cat counterparts.
The three basic tests were:
- Dr. Spot, Author of 'See Spot introduce his quantum theory on astrally affected socio-behaviours of your pet', and one of the dogs participating in the study.
The three basic tests were:
- Write an essay on a topic of your choice.
- Answer 10 skill testing questions.
- Follow a map to pass through a maze.
- Dr. Spot, Author of 'See Spot introduce his quantum theory on astrally affected socio-behaviours of your pet', and one of the dogs participating in the study.
Dr. Spot, Author and Study Particiapant.
It would take far too long to examine all the test results in detail but to give a good idea , some of the essay topics turned in by the dogs include 'Indentured Service or Symbiotic Servitude: A comparative Study of Dogs and their Masters' (written by a Border Collie named Tiffany) and 'Let's Go for a Walk: A dog's observations of mid-western Botanical Biodiversity in Colorado' (written by a Pug named Rexington).
Most dogs scored a perfect 10 out of 10 on the skill testing questions and a whopping 92% used the map correctly to find their way through the maze. The remaining 8% only didn't make it because they had co-ordinated a plan to meet at a secret location inside the maze where they designed an elaborate prank for one of the testers involving 2 pulley systems, a fulcrum and 12 cream pies .
The Cats on the other hand faired very poorly in all 3 contests. There was not a single intelligible essay handed in. Most papers did not in fact resemble their namesake as they generally consisted of shredded paper, fur and fecal matter.
The Cats fared even worse in the trivia section with a full 100% failure rate. None of the Cats could answer such simple questions such as: What is 2 + 4? or Define 'ready'. Almost all the Cats resorted to some form of unintelligible meowing with a few rude ones staring hatefully at the tester and refusing to utter a sound of any kind. This seemingly innocuous study had its tragic side as the first 3 cats in the maze died from starvation, ending an otherwise successful investigation on a sour note.
Despite the dead cats this study is a great boon to pet owners. Providing a greater understanding and appreciation for our pets. Unless you own a cat, in which case you have discovered they are dumb.
-The Blogatini, reporting live on location, The Center for the Integrative Study of Animal Behavior, Bloomington, Indiana
Most dogs scored a perfect 10 out of 10 on the skill testing questions and a whopping 92% used the map correctly to find their way through the maze. The remaining 8% only didn't make it because they had co-ordinated a plan to meet at a secret location inside the maze where they designed an elaborate prank for one of the testers involving 2 pulley systems, a fulcrum and 12 cream pies .
The Cats on the other hand faired very poorly in all 3 contests. There was not a single intelligible essay handed in. Most papers did not in fact resemble their namesake as they generally consisted of shredded paper, fur and fecal matter.
The Cats fared even worse in the trivia section with a full 100% failure rate. None of the Cats could answer such simple questions such as: What is 2 + 4? or Define 'ready'. Almost all the Cats resorted to some form of unintelligible meowing with a few rude ones staring hatefully at the tester and refusing to utter a sound of any kind. This seemingly innocuous study had its tragic side as the first 3 cats in the maze died from starvation, ending an otherwise successful investigation on a sour note.
Despite the dead cats this study is a great boon to pet owners. Providing a greater understanding and appreciation for our pets. Unless you own a cat, in which case you have discovered they are dumb.
-The Blogatini, reporting live on location, The Center for the Integrative Study of Animal Behavior, Bloomington, Indiana
4 comments:
If there was a god of comedy, and he/she had a face, reading your blog would be like looking into the face of this deity.
How true.
And if there were a god of comments and he/she had a pet dog. Reading your comment would be like petting that dog. Then maybe taking it for a walk to a dog park, then maybe throwing a ball for it a couple times, but not a tennis ball a good rubber ball. And then maybe it would do it's business and you would clean it up with a plastic bag with no holes in it. Then maybe once all parties were satisfied you would walk that dog back to Comment God and Comment God would be happy.
That's what reading your comment is like.
Amen, brother. You are indeed a wise pharisee.
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