Whitehouserocks!tar Games presents GTA: America

Whitehouserocks!tar games has released its first title with a bang. Grand Theft Auto: America hits shelves this spring and promises to be a best seller.

"This game is gonna revolutionize the world yo! All you kids out there gotta by this game cause it is the hip, dawg!"
- DJ K-rove, Whitehouserocks!tar games spokesperson

'The Dick' and his ho in Grand Theft Auto: America

The game is a first person shooter but unlike the other GTAs, GTA: America is all about strategy. You start the game as a gang member nicknamed 'The Dick'. You have just risen the ranks to Vice-Gman in your gang called 'The Elephant Assholes', which has just come to power over the big hood. Now here's where it gets challenging, the gang leader is mildly retarded.

You must use your serpent-like influence over the leader to score points in 3 main areas:
1) How much money you make from the poor folks in the hood
2) How much money you make from poor folks in other hoods
3) Finally how much money you can peronally steal from 'The Elephant Assholes' and, indirectly, all the poor folks. All without getting caught.

"It's all about strategy. You gotta make money.. but how? You can cheat the poor folks in the hood outta money, you can scare the money outta the poor folks, you can lie about starting a gang war and get money outta your poor folks AND somebody else's poor folks, you can stab your friends in the back or you can shoot them in the face... whatever you need to do to get money. Gee!"
- DJ K-Rove, Whitehouserocks!tar games spokesperson

There are a number of hurdles on the way though: your semi-retarded leader can get out of line and say something stupid... or a lot of stupid things, you might discover you have a lesbian daughter when you've said yourself that 'it's gay to be gay, yo,' you might sell one of your lowly gang members out to the police cause he pissed you off, then have to have your best g-man lie about it to save you some jail time, you might use a gang war as an excuse to start selling your drugs in another territory and then get caught doing it, etc. etc.

Clearly this is a game for the GTA thinkers. Some say it's a cheap ploy by the usually 'rich white adult' oriented Whitehouserocks!tar games to garner some of the coveted younger market. Time will tell if it's a ploy that works.

With special thanks to Kris Poon and Kate Ann Vandapapsmear for helping to break the story,

This is the Blogastair, reporting live on location, Washington D.C.