Friday, October 06, 2006

Big Bird Burns his Nest Down, Big Egg dies.

In a tragic twist of fate, Big Bird, of Sesame Street Fame, burned his house down while playing with fire. A strong vocal oppenent of kids playing with fire, Big Bird had this to say:

"You know, it's something I've always said but to be honest I've never really believed it... [starts to cry] until now. I dunno... I just, I just had a lighter and it looked like fun and I... I ... Oh god what have I done. [sobs uncontrollably]
- Big Bird, Children's hero and resident of Sesame Street




Big Bird stands in shock amidst his burning house.

Tragically, Big Bird's Big Egg was inside the house under a heating lamp and was not able to be rescued in time. Apparently, Big Bird had taken a break from living on the semi-impoverished block of Sesame Street and rented a house in the Hamptons in order to help incubate his new egg.

"We see it all the time, guy sees a fire somewhere, he likes the flames and thinks he can make his own fire... ba da boom ba da bing your nest egg is burned to the ground. But this here... I mean the Bird's got no opposable thumbs and he still thinks it's a great idea to play with a lighter? It's just a shame."
- Nicholas Scoppetta, Fire Commisioner, New York Fire Department


For now Big Bird is struggling with his loss and has vowed to fight 'playing with fire' with fire. Concerened readers can make a donation to his "Fight playing with fire with fire" Fund. To help raise money for the cause Big Bird is auctioning off the world's largest hard-boiled egg on E-bay and all the proceeds will go directly to his fund.

- The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Big Bird's Burned Nest, Hamptons, NY

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'm glad to see that you're only focusing on the stories that REALLY count. i mean, enough about terrorism, politics, and local news, we need to know more about big bird and mcdonalds.

i think your stories just lowered my iq by 20 points.

p.s. you smell.

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Clearly you've been misinformed... stores about Big Bird and McDonald's ARE stories about terrorism, politics and local news.

Maybe you'd understand better if you had a degree in political science.

Anonymous said...

political science? nono, my degree was in acting. a worthless, low-paying degree.

Unknown said...

Oh my God! This is too bad! Playing with the fire is not a game! Unfortunately, Big Bird's Big Egg was inside the house under a heating lamp and was not able to be rescued in time... Our paper writers will help you with the continuation of this article!