What is the world coming to? That is the question many people around the globe are asking themselves as Kelly Forbes' bizarre Turtle Pornography ring has been exposed. Not to be confused with scientific nature videos, these films feature turtles in bizarre sexual positions such as: the turtle waxer, the shell shaper and the oil rig. Every video is also personally hosted by Kelly Forbes (aka 'Smelly Forbes') who goads the turtles on to act out increasingly bizarre sexual endeavors.
"Surprised? Well, unfortunately no. Disappointed? Yes, definitely... we've all been disappointed in Kelly for quite some time now."
- Nora Newlands, Event Organizer and Kelly's Mother
"Surprised? Well, unfortunately no. Disappointed? Yes, definitely... we've all been disappointed in Kelly for quite some time now."
- Nora Newlands, Event Organizer and Kelly's Mother
A still shot from one of Kelly's movies entitled "Peek-a-Do-You"
To date Kelly has released over twenty seven videos featuring 68 different turtles. Some of her most popular titles include:
"There is absolutely no scientific value to these videos. None. These are not nature films and these are not normal mating habits of turtles. These turtles are being outright exploited. How many of them are brought here by Kelly and have no other place to go? How many of them have no choice but to participate in these twisted videos?"
- Dr. Sue Lieberman, Global Species Program Director for the World Wildlife Fund
Kelly Forbes was unavailable for comment but needless to say, in the coming days things will become awfully heated around the Kelly Forbes' household.
-The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Kelly Forbes' residence, Vancouver, B.C.
- 'Deliver my Pizza real slow'
- 'Turtles do Dallas'
- 'The Shell Hole'
- 'Raging Tortoise'
- 'To Shell and Back'
"There is absolutely no scientific value to these videos. None. These are not nature films and these are not normal mating habits of turtles. These turtles are being outright exploited. How many of them are brought here by Kelly and have no other place to go? How many of them have no choice but to participate in these twisted videos?"
- Dr. Sue Lieberman, Global Species Program Director for the World Wildlife Fund
Kelly Forbes was unavailable for comment but needless to say, in the coming days things will become awfully heated around the Kelly Forbes' household.
-The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Kelly Forbes' residence, Vancouver, B.C.
60 comments:
This message is your legal notice that a quote attributed to me in this blog entry was not in fact my quote. A civil suit will be commenced in the Ontario Superior Court against Alastair Forbes so as to ensure future quotes are accurate and in good taste.
I want to say to any friends of Alastair and Ieva that the poll that's up now is your chance to take sides. As many of you may know I have been trying for three years now to get a cat into our household and now along comes this "parrot" idea. So vote, we all know who you want to side with. (me)
First of all, I want to say to the first comment... well said and I think you've completely cleared your name... anonymous.
Second of all... I would like to point out that if I had a talking parrot I would train it to say 'bombs away' every time it poos... so consider that when you cast your vote.
Al's a star! nice swerk bud, good to see your exploring the knarlitas of the Knarlies.
send me more good shit to p_elliott@hotamil.com
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