Friday, November 03, 2006

'Tiny Ghosts' haunt Toronto Man's House

Brad Lepp is much like any other Torontonian 364 days of the year but on that 365th day, Brad Lepp turns into a terrified, shivering, ball of crying and snot. Brad's transforms into this blubbering ball of sniveling because of the ethereal spirits that haunt his home every year on October 31st.

"I love Toronto, and I love my home. It's just that one day of the year... I don't know why these spirits haunt me but... it frightens me [sniffs]... [sobs uncontrollably]."
- Brad Lepp, Toronto Home Owner and Target of Evil Spirits.


It seems that this has been happening for every one of Brad's thirty something years despite his continuing efforts to ward the spirits off with charms, spells and hocus pocus.

"The wards are built around the idea of scaring the ghosts away. So, I carve scary faces in the front of large pieces of fruit (I used to use pineapples but pumpkins seem to work better). I hang scary bats, cobweb, witches, vampires... you name it. All in the hopes they'll think the house belongs to a much scarier monster. But it never works. In fact, it's getting worse. It seems the more I do to protect my home, the more ghosts come to haunt me.
- Brad Lepp, Toronto Home Owner and Crybaby.




Brad Lepp stands confused amongst the many 'wards' around his house.

Perhaps the spookiest aspect of this frightening tale is the type of ghosts haunting Mr. Lepp's house.

"I get ghosts that look like witches, goblins, pirates... a lot of pirates this year. Even SpongeBob Square Pants! You wouldn't think TV characters would have their own ghosts but believe me they do. The only thing the ghosts have in common is they all seem to be tiny. I can tell you now, if you haven't seen a ghost before, they are usually no bigger than three or four feet in height... but still incredibly frightening."
- Brad Lepp, Home Owner and Possible Mental Patient


Mr. Lepp has no plans to sell his home vowing that next year his wards would be bigger and scarier. The City of Toronto has begun an investigation into this paranormal activity.


- The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Brad Lepp's 'Monster' House, Toronto, ON

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your story Alastair. I hope that this will help the millions of other sufferers out there who are too afraid to come forward. It doesn't seem to matter how much holy water I sprinkle on these little buggers they just keep muttering something about candy.
There was only one factual error in the otherwise astute article that we have come to expect from our roving reporter... that is "Brad's thirty something years..." Um. That hurts. Everyone knows I've been 27 for the last three years and will be for the foreseeable future.

Catherine the Great said...

Good to know, Me and Ivan (the Terrible) will be sure to go visit him next year.

Diesel said...

Another thing that most people don't know about ghosts is that you can effectively keep them away with a shotgun filled with rock salt. Little known fact.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Funny stuff Alastair!

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Anonymous (Brad), I have to respectfully disagree. I checked my facts and checked them again... I'm pretty sure 'thirty something years' is a pretty accurate statement...

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Catherine the Great, I can definitely say you will be visiting Brad soon...

Diesel, I've heard that before but I didn't know it was true! Little known fact indeed!!

Drive By Blogger, thanks! And thanks for the link!!!

goldennib said...

I feel so bad for Brad. What a horrible ordeal he has had to endure the past 30 something years.

I was watching The Haunted the other day and it looked to me like night vision film was able to scare these ghosts away. They would go into haunted houses and turn on their night time cameras and not one ghost would show its ugly face. I suggest Brad try it.

Dan said...

Sounds like Brian Leep is a schlepp. But what can you expect from people who live in Toronto? I mean, seriously.

Ah ... wait a second ... Oh, you're from Toronto too. Oh ... my bad.

Er ... great ballclub, huh? Well, they won 86 games, no? So Toronto is pretty cool, right.

Better quit while I'm ahead ...

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Goldennib, you are so right. Brad has actually sent out an invitation to the 'Haunted' TV show in the hopes that they will finally be able to rid him of the problem.

Dan, Being from the west coast myself I sympathize with your views. That having been said most of the Toronto Natives I know remind me that I have chosen to live here in 'Onterrible'. I just need a better escape plan.

xieliuxi said...
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