Sunday, December 03, 2006

New Liberal Leader Claims Win Was 'Magic'; Comment Sparks Controversy.

Stephane Dion was crowned the new leader of the Liberal Party yesterday. Unfortunately, the Liberal Party's excitement at ending its leadership woes were short lived as Dion only lasted 4 minutes in the seat of power before sparking a religious controversy during his acceptance speech.

"I feel incredibly honored to be here. And let's give a big hand to my esteemed opponents. [crowd cheers loudly] I came into this race as an underdog against two powerhouses. To end up winning... in a come from behind victory [crowd cheers]... there is only one explanation for this great victory: Magic! It's a magical night for the Liberals! [crowd falls into a stunned silence]"
- Stephane Dion, official Leader of the Opposition and Leader of the Liberal Party.

Dion's admission to not only a belief in magic but to using his dark Pagan art to influence the election came as quite a shock to the crowd of seventeen thousand on hand to witness the event.

"I'm stunned. We'd talked about his beliefs and morals many times in the run up to the election but he never mentioned anything about being a practicing warlock. Frankly, it's frightening. I hope he didn't put a hex on me."
- Mark Marissen, Stephane Dion's national campaign manager

Further investigation into Dion's past revealed disturbing evidence of his Pagan Magic.

Photo of Dion practicing his Dark Pagan Arts, most likely, to
have U.S. Secretary of State Condaleeza Rice succumb to his bidding.

Officials realize that the results of the election are now cast into doubt but are afraid that taking any action may anger Dion and he may turn them into snakes, sicken them with the plague or even sacrifice them to a higher god by eating their flesh.

The Conservative party were quick to criticize the new found leader by calling him a witch (an insult to a male practitioner of magic as it is akin to saying 'you throw your magic like a girl'). However, the Conservative Party were also quick to adopt Pagan Protection Rituals. Prime Minister Stephen Harper is taking no chances and is slaughtering a baby pig everyday and hanging it from his door in the hopes that the blood will cleanse his home of magic.

- The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Palais des Congrais, Montreal, Quebec


TFKoP said...

Hey Alastair....great blog! I'll be regular visitor.

--joe "TFKoP"

PS. Though Ultimate requires too much running for me, I am a disc golfer. Good to see other people involved in disc related games/sports.

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Thanks for the comment! In fact, I was just playing last night in our first 'playoff' game of the season (really everyone gets into the playoffs which mean nothing)... love the disc golf!

Diesel said...

You had me going right up until you mentioned "Quebec." That's obviously a made-up name. You should work harder on coming up with realistic sounding names, like "Eskimovia."

goldennib said...

Pagans are people, too, ya know. It's about time we were represented somewhere other than Salem.

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Once again, you are correct Diesel. Although, to be honest I was a little afraid of using 'Eskimovia' I didn't want it to get too 'real' you know?

Goldennib, I whole heartedly agree with you which is why I was so shocked at the Liberal's complete ignorance of what they deemed was 'Pagan Magic'... and they want to be our government!

Make Your Own Fake Magazine Cover said...

I wonder how one word can change life of these politicians.

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Nice focus! Like cirk in white house!