Friday, April 28, 2006

Rogers Inc. becomes Rogers High... School.

Rogers Inc. has taken a step forwards by going backwards.... into High School. Ted Rogers, President and CEO of Rogers inc. explains,

"High Schoolers happen to be our largest demographic and so as a company I really want us to adopt a High School mentality so we can better understand and serve our customers. In order to do that I've rented out a high school where our new Head Office will be located until a new Rogers High Head Office can be built by September."
- Ted Rogers, CEO Rogers Inc.


The High School Rogers is talking about is Sir William Osler High School in Scarborough Ontario. The Principal was all too willing to cancel the last 38 days of classes and vacate the school in order to receive a 10% discount on their first three months of high-speed internet for the following school year.



Ted Rogers, wearing a ridiculous blue suit, speaking to his new employees

Many new policies have been adopted by the company. Here are a few examples:
  • All employees must now work at small tables in groups of 3 or 4 but no talking is allowed until discussion time.
  • Employees must use a hall pass to access the washrooms and the staff room is now off-limits to all employees but for the CEO and VP.
  • All students must practice cool things like 'Parkour' the running and jumping sport in their 'tipping on the brink' commercial. Or break dancing which if done to a particularly skilled level, the present employees will respond with "Oh, that's bananas son."
  • The hiring age has been reduced to 14 with preference given to 16 year olds.
  • Retirement packages are available to anyone over the age of 21.
In the long run this may be a smart move for Rogers. Creating loyal customers out of impressionable minds is far easier than creating loyal customers out of intelligent people.

However, in the short run, this new regime has caused much strife and turmoil amongst the employees.


"All I did was pass a note. I had to pass it cause Brad was looking at Sarah in that creepy way again and I finally figured it out that he totally likes her. And then stupid Mr. Rogers fired me."
- Jennifer Bington, Former Assistant Marketing Manager, Rogers Inc.


Other employees have been suspended without pay for failing to hand in reports on time. One employee was asked to come in on Saturday because he was caught text messaging his friend at one of the work tables.

The long term success of the new Rogers High is yet to be seen, but in the short term there are a few hurdles to clear first.

- The Bloggeee, reporting live on location, Rogers Inc.'s new Head High School Office, Scarborough Ontario

1 comment:

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