Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Loch Ness discovered to be an evil ploy by Dick Cheney!

In a shocking discovery, journalists at the Floater Blog have uncovered evidence that the famed Loch Ness Monster is in fact a Monster Truck. Shocked and outraged citizens of Fort Augustus are furious at having been Dick Cheney’s patsy for so long. Shown below is a picture of the famed Loch Ness Monster photo:


Famed Loch Ness Monster Photo taken 1948


Recent breakthroughs in computer research discovery technology have allowed the journalists here at the Floater Blog to make a researched discovery and uncover a devious ploy. By zooming in on the above picture we discovered that what appears to be 'humps' in the original photo are actually parts of a Monster Truck called 'The Loch Ness Monster.. truck."


Close-up of 'humps' reveals Monster Truck

Further delving into the technical detective universe we researched a discovery called 'Google' and using this unparalleled technology we managed to locate the perpetrator:


Dick Cheney posing with his small 'Loch Ness Monster...Truck'

Cheney himself immediately caved upon being presented with this overwhelming evidence:

“I was just trying to create an element of fear in the surrounding towns. I was running for Lairdship and needed a way to control the masses, but it back-fired [begins to sob uncontrollably] they… they all laughed at it… they thought it was some hokey joke. Even now… tourists go to see my ‘scary monster.’ [Suddenly becomes very serious and looks right at interviewer] But I got my revenge... didn’t I? I got my revenge! DIDN’T I? SAY IT! SAY ‘I GOT MY REVENGE’ [slaps reporter in the mouth, who is then removed from the premises by secret service].”
-Dick Cheney, VP of the United States

Cheney later admitted that it was on his long forays driving through Loch Ness that he first came up with the plan to shoot his friend in the face.

These unfortunate allegations are appearing just days after the President met with success when he won the ‘Best Douchebag’ award at the Oscars. Needless to say the spin machine is in full affect as the White House tries to deflect blame away from their man, deciding to go with the story of an Elephant as the most convincing cover-up.

Reporting live from Washington with a split lip, The Bloogerbloog

9 comments:

Graeme Stewart said...

What the hell...? That's the same truck that ran over my tour guide in Inverness!

Everything is suddenly and troublingly falling into place...

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Yes, Graeme, you're right. I left this out in the big story but apparently that tour guide was also Dick Cheney's legitimate father "Scottish Cheney."

Graeme Stewart said...

Wait...that means his mother must be be the dread Hungarian Cheney (nee Smith).

Man, no wonder he built that oddly small 'monster' truck. Dude's messed up.

Unknown said...

I'm so glad you blew this mystery WIDE open..whew! Just between you and me...I was told by a reliable source that Rumsfeld is the bastard child of Sasquatch.

Alastair P. Forbes said...

[wiping a tear from his eye] You know it's comments like these that make a guy feel like he's done a great job. With crack reporters like you guys helping me out... there will be no Scottich-Hungarian halfbreed friend of a sasquatch welp safe from our watchful eye.

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Also, on a side note, did anyone notice that I am still the hottest in the floater poll? Well I guess that's not really a surprise.

Anonymous said...

It seems extraordinary to me that a blogger named, Alastair Forbes, clearly a true Scot with a long line of Scottish ancestors, would sully the great name of Scotland for personal gain and political satire. Why choose Scotland as the setting -why not Serbia, Australia or Iceland? Please explain

Anonymous said...

Oh, Serbia, Australia and Iceland? Why don't you insult MY people then, you loser-faced wimp "Oooo, I'm all anonymous."
Angrily Yours,

Alastair P. Forbes said...

Woah people people... my intention is not to single-out the scots... or the serbs or anyone else... I intend to insult everyone. So rest assured if you haven't been insulted then your time will come and if you have than sit back and relax while I get to the rest of them.