Forbes kidnapped by Gorilla's! Floater Blog lay dormant!

Gorilla warfare has spread to North America. In a stunning blow to freedom, Gorilla's managed to sneak into Canada and whisk away Canada's brightest mind in the dark of night. Using well-published Gorilla tactics the Gorilla group calling themselves "Unhhggoo" used the cover of the surrounding trees to surprise Fort Floater Blog. Climbing through the window of renowned Floater journalist Alastair Forbes' bedroom they used their decided surprise and upper-body-strength advantage to carry Forbes away to their secret hide-out where he was held captive for 7 days.

Photo of Alastair taken by one of his Gorilla captors

Through snippets of conversation, discarded garbage and in-fighting between the dominant troop leaders Forbes soon discovered their devious plan. The "Unhhggoo" troop had become tired of being constantly oppressed by 'The Man.' They felt they deserved to take a step up in the biological chain. The quickest way for them to do this was to breed with genetically superior life-forms. So 12 years ago they began to search for 'Pffpbbbfooo' which roughly translates as 'The most genetically superior human.' It took a long time but it was only inevitable that they would end up at Forbes' window on that fateful eve one week ago.

Their plan was well thought out, but for one flaw. Forbes was not just physically genetically superior, but mentally genetically superior as well. Once Forbes realized their plan he quickly came up with a plan of his own. Assessing the risk-factors, mentally mapping out the terrian and using his decided advantage of lower-body-strength he began to run. And run he did right back to civilized society and his upgraded and secure Fort Floater blog.

Now that he's back in society, free from his captors he said he just wants to get back to being human again:

"Right now, I'm just enjoying doing the normal things: hugging my girlfriend, writing for the Floater Blog and most importantly, not throwing feces."
- Alastair Forbes, renowned Floater Blog Journalist

But Alastair brings back a strong message from the Gorilla community.

"My captors were never out to hurt me, they only wanted justice, and a piece of my bod. As they would say '[snort] Fbbbbb. Uooo. OOOaaaghAAffoo [slap's chest] hoff bbblllaaarrrrffoo.' Or 'You may kill us with bombs, but later we will hide and throw our poo at you. It will smell terrible.' "
- Alastair Forbes, renowned Floater Blog Journalist

Despite the joyous outcome to these events it certainly makes us all examine the poo thrower inside of us.

The Blogastair, reporting live on location, Toronto, Ontario